| When Life isn’t Easy |

If anyone has read my blog consistently, there is definitely a pattern in this season of life.  The struggle is so real.  I feel like over the course of the last week I had finally gotten to a good place with certain issues. During my time with Jesus everyday, I had been able to admit being overwhelmed and not wanting to do certain things, started accepting, started forgiving, and so on. I also had noticed that He was changing my heart and thoughts towards some of these things. But then i got some bad news yesterday.

A little bit of backstory… so I have been dealing with a situation for over three years now; I thought I would finally be free of it this year. Now it looks like that could still be possible, just with technicalities I was not expecting. Or it could not be possible.  I really don’t know.  I have this really bad habit of always expecting the worst because my intuition is usually right, but I actually had so much hope for freedom of this situation, so I think I’m a little bit shocked it didn’t happen according to how I thought it would.

I feel like things are coming at me, one thing after another. I know some stuff is just life on life’s terms, but I know some of this is definitely from the enemy. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever just have a week where life is easy, but I don’t think that’s possible. It’s funny how I tell God how good He is, that I’ll praise Him in the good and bad, and then bad stuff happens. Ironic. Life.

This situation has been so difficult that I have let fear and worry control my thoughts sometimes to the point where I feel paralyzed. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to trust God when He has done so much in my life. I think I project my distrust in people onto God- humanizing Him, and I hate falling into that trap. God is good. He is just. He is love. He is jealous. He is wrath, but also mercy. He is awe-inspiring and all-powerful. He doesn’t need me to trust or worship Him, but I need to trust and worship Him. He is my ultimate satisfaction, the guardian of my heart, my ultimate protector, refuge, healer, and comforter.

I honestly don’t even know how to pray about this situation because I’m selfish and want to be free of it, but I also want His will to be done. I’m so thankful the Holy Spirit prays on my behalf, searches my heart and knows my needs and desires. I know that whatever happens, He will equip me with everything I need to get through this, He will carry me through this, and it will honor and glorify Him. He is with me, He goes before me, and His purpose will prevail because He has already been victorious.  
He is my Jehovah Rohi (shepherd)

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd;

I have ALL that I need.

He lets me [rest] in green meadows;

He leads me beside |peace|ful streams.

He renews my strength (soul).

He guides me along right paths,

Bringing honor to His name.

Even when I walk

Through the darkest valley,

I will NOT be afraid,

For [You are close] beside me.

Your rod and Your staff

{protect} and {comfort} me.

You prepare a feast for me

In the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

Surely Your goodness and unfailing love |will pursue me|

All the days of my life,

And I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

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