| my big mistakes |

January is the perfect time for a fresh start and change. I have a lot of goals and things I want to accomplish this year, but I haven’t really talked about things I don’t want to do this year.

Every year, month, day, we make mistakes and learn from them. I think it’s sometimes just as important to think on how to grow from what we’ve learned and prevent past mistakes or negative patterns of behavior, as much as it is to look at new or better things we want to do.

I have kind of been able to narrow down some mistakes I’ve made over the last several years that have really impacted my life and relationships; I want to make sure I work on them this year.

The first mistake is jumping into something, whatever it may be, just because it sounds good. I get so caught up in thinking because something seems good or fun or exciting, I should just do it. I definitely think that’s ok regarding certain situations or opportunities, but sometimes I choose to do things purely based on how I feel at that moment, or because I think that’s the best I could get or deserve. Obviously that plays off of my insecurities, which I’m working on, too. I really want to make decisions from my heart, from what I know deep down is right or wrong, instead of making such impulsive decisions in the moment that could really affect my life and the people around me.

The second mistake I’ve made has been to put expectations on things or people. I never used to be an emotional person; I have always numbed myself or pushed my feelings aside. Since I have stopped doing that, I have started experiencing so many emotions over the last couple of years. It’s weird to get my feelings hurt or feel like someone doesn’t like me. My feelings used to just consist of anger- every emotion I felt just turned to anger… but now I do experience extreme happiness and sadness and frustration and being nervous. I think learning to deal with my emotions in a healthy way has been even more difficult whenever I’ve put unrealistic expectations on things or people in my life.

I have learned that I can change these parts of my life by being more honest with people and communicating openly. It’s ok for me to want to jump at new opportunities or friendships/relationships and it’s also ok for me to expect to be treated how I treat others… I think that is normal. But I also think I have to take an active role by telling people how I feel if I do put expectations on them; I don’t think it’s fair for me to assume anything about anyone else. I also have to keep learning how to be assertive when I’m telling people no and putting up boundaries. Because that is also healthy and ok.

That’s definitely not anywhere near the amount of things I have done wrong or want to change, but I definitely think those two issues have been the root of many other things, so I definitely want to keep changing and growing to stop those patterns, or at least create healthier ways of dealing with choices I make.

I feel like all of my posts are so random, but it’s just whatever I’m thinking about or feeling so I hope someone can relate. ✌🏼

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